What TO do During a Custody Dispute

Custody battles are rarely easy, but when emotions run high and conflicts escalate, the process can become particularly difficult for everyone involved – especially the children. At BLOOM PETERS, we understand how overwhelming a high-conflict custody case can be. Our experienced family law attorneys are here to guide you with compassionate, strategic advice to help you protect your rights and prioritize your child’s well-being.  

To follow up on our previous article, “What NOT to do During a Custody Dispute,” here are some things you SHOULD do to show resiliency and maintain a child-centered strategy.  

1. Prioritize Your Child’s Best Interests  

Custody disputes can be emotionally taxing and can easily become personal battles between parents. Always remember the court’s primary concern – and yours – are the best interests of your children. Focus on creating a stable, healthy and consistent environment. Consider how each decision affects them emotionally, physically, and psychologically.  Encourage a positive relationship with the other parent, unless there is a legitimate and serious safety concern.  

2. Be Proactive, Not Reactive  

High-conflict exes often thrive on provoking reactions. Your reactions during contentious situations can impact both the outcome of your case and your child’s well-being. Even if the other parent attempts to provoke you, strive to remain calm, composed, and respectful.  

One of the best things you can do is stay ahead of the situation rather than constantly reacting to it. Anticipate potential conflicts and work with your attorney to have a strategy in place for common issues like schedule changes, holidays, or disagreements about healthcare, school and extracurricular activities.  

3. Document Everything  

In high-conflict cases, clear and organized communication and documentation can be invaluable. Keep detailed records of all interactions with the other parent, including texts, emails, calls, and in-person exchanges. A custody communication app like OurFamilyWizard or AppClose helps track schedules, conversations, and even monitors tone in one secure, court-admissible platform. Also, document any incidents of concerning behavior, missed visitations, or other disputes in writing.  

4. Follow Court Orders and Agreements to the Letter  

Courts take non-compliance very seriously, especially in custody cases. Even if you disagree with a custody arrangement, it is crucial to follow it until it’s legally modified by a judge or by a written agreement. Failure to comply with a court order or agreement can harm your case, cost you extra money in court and attorneys' fees, and diminish your credibility with the judge. If circumstances change or orders become impractical, consult your attorney immediately about filing a formal petition to modify or an emergency petition to modify. Do not take unilateral action to modify the schedule. This could hurt your case and credibility if determined before a judge.  

5. Lean on Professional Support 

High-conflict custody battles are often emotionally taxing and can implicate mental health. And by nature, the beginning of a custody dispute marks a major change and transition for families, especially the children involved. It’s healthy – and wise – to seek support from co-parenting classes, therapists, and family centered communication apps. These services can help you manage stress, communicate more effectively, and focus on healthy co-parenting strategies. Plus, Pennsylvania courts tend to look favorably on parents who proactively engage in professional support.  

6. Be Careful With New Relationships 

Introducing a new partner too quickly can complicate your custody case, especially in high-conflict cases where the other partner may take it personally or attempt to use it as leverage. Avoid introducing a new partner to your child until the relationship is stable, serious, and your attorney believes it is appropriate. Communicate with your child to make sure that they are comfortable and accepting of your new partner.  

7. Focus on Self-Care  

Custody battles can be emotionally exhausting. Our managing partner, Kathy Bloom, advises best: “you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself, too.” If you don’t take care of yourself mentally and physically, you may struggle to take the best care of your child. Schedule regular time for at least one activity you enjoy, seek therapy if needed, and lean on supportive friends and family members. Taking care of yourself will help you stay resilient and make decisions in accordance with your children’s best interests.